dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
