Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
