Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
