i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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