Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
