Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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