either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
