white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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