her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
