you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
