So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
