Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
