They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would fuck him just for his dog
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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