I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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