Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
