One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
