I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
