I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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