I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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