Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
