sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
