dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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