I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
