when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
