Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
