Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
