You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
