I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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