Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
