Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
