Screwed.edu
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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