this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
