I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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