Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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