Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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