Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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