were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
