we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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