you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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