i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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