If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
