I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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