Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
