Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
