you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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