can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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