he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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