he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this just has baby written all over it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
