so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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