if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
