i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
