Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
