Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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