is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
