tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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