a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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