Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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