First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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