So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
