I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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