i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
