what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
