the day after is always just damage control
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
