Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
