he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
