Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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