So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
a search helicopter?!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
