Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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