also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize