I heard we made out
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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