I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
