i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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