Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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