I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
