He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
