Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My ass is underappreciated
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
