My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
