first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
