Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we're so committed to being not committed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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