Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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